Wonderful Lamps
by John-Mayer-Fanclub-NOT
Summary: This is a story about Harry having problems with his love life. My friend and i made it and it is only 1 chap. Funi


A/N: This story is a short story and is only one chapter. We will post other short stories. We don't own any of these characters.  
  
Wonderful Lamps  
  
"Arry is that you?" Asked a flustered Hagrid from his closed door. "Oh Hagrid you shouldn't be.HERMIONE.HAGRID ARE SHAGGING HERMIONE?" Roared an angry Harry. "I thought you were gay," he continued. "Well you see arry you aint satisfy me like a real woman should" "But but. oh I'm going to see Bjork the fortune-teller" and Harry stalked off.  
  
Harry looked up Bjorks house and set off. When he got there he was very surprised, it seemed Bjork lived in a giant pair of underpants. Harry cautiously went inside where he found Kate Bush dancing in a pot of soup. "It's me on caffeine and I'm high OHH" she sang to the teapot. 'Um excuse me,' said Harry afraid he was going to startle her in the delicate state of mind she was in, he didn't want to be forced to do wave aerobics again. "Could you please tell me where I might find Bjork?" "SUUUUUUUuuuuure!!!!!!!!!!!!!" she said. 'She is in her special room trying to get out of the straight jacket that damn Clancy put her in. " Uhh thank' said Harry as he set off to the special room.  
  
Harry was lost in the wonderland of Alice. "Never again am I going to go after that traitor Hagrid" Harry started to cry, but then he heard distant singing. The Palmtree sisters were singing their debut song 'Hinchi wawa'. Harry had never seen such beautiful people before. "What is your problem?" they asked. "My boyfriend is cheating on me and I am off to find Bjork the fortune-teller" "Oh Anna this is going to go on for ages listening to all his problems" "Yes indeed Sarina lets get Jing Zing out so we can have a tea party" The girls took Jing out and watched as her head expanded. After all the tea was gone and Harry had confessed how he was feeling Anna said "Oh Sarina we must get going we have to audition for Australian Idol" "Oh yes you are right" So they packed up Jing and just before they left Harry heard Sarina say, "Always remember two words.Ta. Tu. it is a password that will get into bjorks special room just up the path" and they evaporated.  
  
After meeting those delightful people Harry set off up the path to Bjorks special room. When he got to the door he said Ta Tu and went in where he found Bjork on the ground with one leg behind her head and the other in her mouth struggling with Clancy's blasted straight jacket. "U let me help you with that," Harry said uncertainly us he unbuckled it. "Thank you kind banana," said Bjork as she bit her foot off and started eating it. "Sure whatever," said Harry 'I'm here for relationship advice" "Ahhhh so you're a fruitcake" said Bjork " a what?" " A poof, a pansy a Christina Aguilera loving drag queen" " what the." " A flaming homosexual my boy" she said as she started on her hand. "Yeah," said Harry. "How did you know?" "Well you are wearing a dress," she said eying the floral print hungrily "I wonder if I can eat the flowers off that dress ' she thought "Um anyway my advice?" "Yes" Bjork said jumping up and twirling around "follow me" She lead Harry to another room where their were 100 oranges placed in a circle. "Sometimes when I'm putting oranges in a circle I think of my thoughts and they make me laugh" she said " Uh huh" said Harry wondering where the nearest exit was and how fast he could get to it. "Now for your advice......" ". You should give up on Hagrid. He is not committed to your relationship and anywho I couldn't imagine what he would say when you tell him that you want to share a baby with him!" Said Bjork. "How did you know I wanted a baby? . Oh yes that's right you're a fortune teller" "No Shit Sherlock." Bjork accidentally lightly touched his hand and she had a premonition. "What is it lady Bjork?" He asked. "I am having a premonition you dim wit. Oh NO. never. why???" "What is wrong?" "Your true love is on the other side of the door that is about to be knocked on," She sadly said. 'knock knock' was heard and Harry stood up to open the door with a shaky hand. He opened the door and Prue (from charmed) walked in and went to stand over a frightened Bjork. She then picked Bjork up and told Harry visiting time was over. As Bjork was carried out of the room she cried "DON'T BE SAD DEAR YOUR TRUE LOVE WILL KNOCK ON THE DOOR SOON" and she was gone. Harry went to sit in the corner of the room when there was a knock on the door. With a shaky hand he opened the door and gasped in surprise.  
  
The standing in the door way was DUMBLEDORE! Oh my god' said Harry in shock but soon shock turned into lust as he eyed Dumbledore's bony body up and down with desire. "Hello Harry I've been waiting so long to get you into bed" said Dumbledore seductively. "I always had a crush on you albus," said Harry "But I never thought you'd feel the same way, I didn't even know you were gay." "Oh I'm not but you are one special boy I will make an exception for" he said Oh Dumbledore! Cried Harry throwing himself into Dumbledore's waiting arms. And as they both set off into the sunset as Bjork twirled and twirled and laughed manically until Clancy came up and wrestled her into the straightjacket again.  
  
The end  
  
A/N: We are gonna make another short story soon. Sorry if you like the people in this story. Tell us what you think. 


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